I was shocked. I had to sit down for a minute. Once I started my journey to being independent within my marriage I found out I’m NOT Cinderella.
As a young girl I dreamed of some man sweeping me off my feet and taking me away from my controlling father and my mouthy mother. In my first marriage I thought for sure that my husband should fix everything for me and make me happy. When he couldn’t comply I was angry. I was always angry. Of course I was never responsible for my own happiness. He was. He was Prince Charming after all and his duty was to fix my dreary life and make me happy.
It ended and I spent a blissful five years struggling on my own but on my own terms. Then I got tired of paying the bills by myself and found a man that made good conversation and would fix everything for me. He adored me. It wasn’t until after I married him, knew that I loved him, but finally realized that he couldn’t make me happy either. I thought about leaving him. Then I realized. I’m not Cinderella. There’s no man that’s going to fix this for me. He’s not responsible for my happiness. I am. Why am I unhappy? I’m unhappy because I don’t feel that I am an equal. I feel like a servant in my own house. My husband has the attitude that he foots the bill for everything. That’s not true but I don’t live within my means. I live like I think I’m Cinderella.
I’m Not Cinderella and I had better start acting like it
So with the reality check out of the way I starting changing my attitude. If I wanted to be happy and be an equal to my mate, I needed to start acting the part. He wasn’t going to save me from anything and I had to rely on myself. I let go of some of the traditional roles and expectations of a wife. I only cook one night a week. I let my husband grocery shop. I started taking more control of my own environment like finding good, affordable, used furniture to put in my freshly painted extra room upstairs to create an office and sitting room that I could enjoy whenever I want. I started watching the money that I spend and have a plan to fully separate accounts and share expenses down the middle by January 1st. Instead of asking my husband to fix or install things that I want I figure out how to do it and do it myself. I cut up my credit cards and have a plan to pay them off as soon as possible. I looked at how much I spent at the thrift store on clothes that just ended up in the donation pile again. No more of that. I deserve good quality clothes but I’m not a princess and I don’t need a lot. A few carefully chosen clothes that I can wear all of the time works.
My world won’t be perfect. There is no one that will save me. It’s still a good life that I look forward to making better every day and having the knowledge that I am capable of making that happen myself empowers me to do more for others not just myself. If I can do this for me imagine what I could do for the world?